I was thinking how easy it is for a marriage to stagnate. Before, I’d leave my husband loving notes and send him random texts throughout the day letting him know I was thinking of him. A couple of years ago, we moved in with my parents and then, a few months back, we had a baby. I rarely leave him notes anymore, unless it’s asking him (or reminding him) to do something. And all of our text messages have to do with baby updates now. Did she drink her bottle? How many ounces? Is she crying? Has she been burped? How long was her nap?
I can imagine that things can just continue in this vein for years, until it’s hard to remember there was ever romance and excitement, and your loving marriage becomes more like a comfortable business partnership. I don’t want this to happen. I want to have a more affectionate marriage than my parents have. I don’t mean to say my parents have a bad marriage. They married young and have remained married for almost 40 years, always with a degree of respect and comfort between them. That’s an accomplishment. But growing up, I never felt my parents were in love. I would like for my daughter to have two parents who seem (who are!) in love, who freely show affection towards each other. I’d like her to have this as an example when she pursues relationships of her own. Right now, I still remember the giddy early days of our relationship. It seems like I’m at a point, right now, were there’s still time to recapture some of that, to make an effort. My personality tends towards complacency, so I constantly have to remind myself to make an effort, in all aspects of my life.
Having it all. I don’t know if that’s even possible. The daily minutiae, the dozens of small tasks and chores it takes to get through a day — it leaves me with little energy when I get home after an almost 11-hour day. I work full time, go to school part-time, have a baby, a husband. This is not unique. We all have a hundred different roles, a thousand different responsibilities. And because I have a strong introverted, independent streak, I yearn for time to read, to walk, to be alone. Giving up that alone time almost seems like giving up a part of myself. But something’s got to give, I guess, and priorities need to be established.
I’ve always felt I think too much and act too little.